A Hat on a Girl on a Stool
by Nimbus 1944
Summary: Over the years, the Sorting Hat converses with some lively minds.


**A Hat on a Girl on a Stool **  
Over the years, the Sorting Hat  
converses with some lively minds.

* * *

**Put a hat on a girl on a stool, tra la,  
And I'll sort her to a house in our school, tra la!  
Take a girl alert and cool,  
And her magic mind we'll fuel --  
Oh, a gifted witch is such a precious jewel, tra la!**

**The Sorting of Tuesday, September 1, 1936**

_Hmmmm. Over the years, I've sorted many McGonagalls, of course. Are you all from one single clan?_

I'm not sure. But, one would think.

_I ask because nearly every last one has been a Gryffindor till now._

Till now?

_You're an intelligent mind with a strong spirit, a leader who can gather a team about her, and quite typical of your family. But, you do have an aggressive side that I have to deal with. Where to put you? _

Aggressive? Do you mean because I wow them at Quidditch? Is that bad?

_Carrying a quaffle through the fray brings out a lot of ambition. Oh, sure, it's for the team and all, but... to be honest, m'dear, I see you take the adulation very personally._

It's just a game. Or is it a _boys' _game? Is that it? Can't a girl play, _mister _hat?

_You defend your pride well._

Thank you.

_I'm not against aggressive girls, per se. _

I'm a modern girl, that's all. It's not the Middle Ages, and we don't burn witches anymore.

_Lord knows, two of the founders were strong-minded girls, and they're half of my intelligence. _

You do talk and sing about yourself an awful lot. Did you know?

_Yes? Well... _

You still have to pick my house. Can we get on with it?

_Moving on! I see you bend the rules at home a bit, or try. Mum and dad caught you playing Quidditch with your older brothers, did they? A bit of underage magic here and there, some singed eyebrows? Been sent to sit in a corner a few times, have you?_

Everybody lets their kids play at magic, so why shan't they? Can I go through your pearly gates of Gryffindor now, or are you determined to drop me into the fires of Slytherin?

_Let's not be so hasty, Miss McGonagall. In Slytherin, you'd be with many ambitious companions, and..._

Y'know, this silly stool is ever so high, and my feet can't reach the floor, and I'm trying hard to stay upright.

_I haven't lost a First Year yet._

Perhaps, but they must have forgotten to brush you tonight, and you're so dusty! I'm afraid I feel a big sneeze coming on, and I'm liable to fall off. **"Ahhhhhh..."**

_Very well, dear. Your wish is granted; I'll let it be... _**"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat quickly.**

**"...Chooo!" sneezed little Minnie — landing on her feet exactly where she planned, and in the house she wanted.**

**On a stool put a hat on a girl, tra la,  
With her soul I will dance a merry twirl, tra la!  
Let her potent mind unfurl,  
Round our magic let it swirl,  
To the chain of witches add another pearl, tra la!**

**The Sorting of Tuesday, September 1, 1992**

_Ah, a Lovegood! A lovely ancient surname you don't see much._

Hi, Professor Hat! I'm pleased to meet you. You can call me Luna, if you'd like.

_Do you know your wand is sitting on your ear?_

Um-hum. I try to keep my wand where my head is. It's a long story.

_Related to Xeno, eh?_

He's my father. I've never talked to a hat before. Are you considered a being?

_Beg pardon?_

Well, you speak, but you're not human, or a giant, or a goblin, or a...

_Oh, oh, oh, I see what you mean. No, technically, I'm a 'charmed object,' they tell me, but what's in a name, anyway? I'm much like the paintings, imprinted with the spirit of wizards and witches, but yet I'm more. For a thousand years, I've..._

Has my father ever interviewed you? You must know so much, and met everyone.

_Interview me?_

For the Quibbler. That's his wizard newspaper. He's an editor, y'know.

_An editor, is he now? With Xeno's mind — very much like yours, in fact — he must keep a most inventive and curious newspaper._

Oh, it is! He's very good as a naturalist. Some people think he makes it up, but I don't. Muggle scientists find creatures that other Muggles don't know about, and magicians find many creatures that Muggle scientists don't, so why shouldn't a magician scientist find creatures that other magicians haven't seen?

_And has he found many?_

Oh, yes! Very many. I have the horn of a Crumple-horned Snorkack that he gave me.

_I'm not familiar with it. What does it look like?_

Crumpled.

_Seems logical. _

Uh... Professor McGonagall's drumming her fingers. I think she's getting a bit impatient.

_I sense you're right. So quickly, back to the task. Hmmm... clever; open-minded, obviously; friendly; no hackles up about anything. Some frustration over constantly misplacing or losing this, that and... oh dear, your poor mother! I see it all in your memories now. I'm so sorry; I didn't know. _

Thank you. I miss her incredibly!

_I remember her, litle Ivy Forrest. She was such a darling girl._

Life comes first, and I'll see her again after that.

_I'm sure you will; say hello for me when you do. Fare well, m'dear! You have your wits to lead you, so let it be... _**"RAVENCLAW!" shouted the hat, making Luna very happy.**

**On a girl on a stool put a hat, tra la,  
And we'll have a very introspective chat, tra la!  
With her housemates she'll be sat,  
Learn the password and all that,  
And be proud to wear her house cravat, tra la! **

**The Sorting of Sunday, September 1, 2019**

_What! Another Potter!_

If that's a bother to you, don't worry. I'll be the last one for a few years.

_Sorry, I didn't mean to sound annoyed. You're another of Harry's children, eh?_

Yes, sir. My name's Lily, and I didn't mean to sound angry either. Dad said to be nice to you and you'll put me in Gryffindor.

_Oh, really? Do the First Years have an instruction book now, on how to manipulate me?_

Not really. But Mum said I should be able to twist you around my little finger. I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but that's how my parents talk.

_I'm crushed. When have I slipped to this minor assignment of rubber-stamping the house where the students' parents want me to sort their little ones?_

You mean they think you aren't needed? I don't. I think it's a way cool ritual.

_Do you have a preference to be in Gryffindor yourself?_

I think I'd rather. On the other hand, if I get sorted there, my brothers would be watching me like hawks. Well, Al would, anyway. He can be a little twit when he wants to. But they're okay. Mostly.

_So wouldn't it be good to have them close?_

No! I couldn't get away with anything.

_Get away with what?_

Oh, y'know. Kid things. Girl things. What if I want a boyfriend?

_Your mother had boyfriends, despite her brother's best efforts. Or is that a secret I shan't tell you?_

Oh, I know all about them. Mum told me more than Dad knows, but don't tell him.

_And kid things, you say. Getting into trouble, you mean?_

If I did, I'd have Al and James for company. Al just got here on the train, and he has detention already.

_Oh, why should I break this fun-loving family up? Maybe he needs you to keep _him_ out of trouble! You have your wish. Let it be... _**"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat, and Lily smirked.**

You're sweet. And Mum was right. You're such a pushover.

_What?!_

Bye!

**With a hat,  
And a girl,  
And a stool, tra la,  
Together we shall populate the school, tra la!  
Magic powers await your rule;  
Here's the foremost conj'ring tool--  
Put a hat on a girl on a stool, tra la!**


End file.
